Christian Courtship: A Wait of Faith

A time comes when a young man or woman desires to settle down; to marry and start a family of their own. Our Lord was ultimately wise when He said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

God went ahead to create a woman, Eve, for Adam. That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Now, this brings us to the crucial question, how are you supposed to get the person whom God has prepared for you to be your husband or wife? The most High God says, “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” Therefore, God clearly tells us to ask for what we want from Him and it shall be given unto us. A person has to enter into courtship as a passage to marriage.

When you want to get married, you are supposed to enter into courtship, where two parties get to know each other, with marriage as their goal. It is never a good idea to marry a stranger. Paul advises  the unmarried in 1 Corinthians 7:36 that if anyone is worried that he might not be acting honourably towards the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passion is too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do what he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.

However, today the essence of courtship is so underrated. The current generation seems to believe that courtship is traditional and outdated, going by the way most of the youth prefer using the term dating in their relationships. Contrary to courtship, people may date for fun or sex, with or without any intentions of getting married.

The outcome of dating is not guaranteed since the sin of fornication and cohabiting has been normalised. We are warned in 1 Corinthians 6:18 to flee from sexual immorality for all other sins that a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Paul goes ahead to ask us in Verse 19, “Do you not know that your bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; You were bought at a price. Therefore, honour God with your body.

When dating is intended for a long term marital commitment between both partners who have agreed to follow God's divine instructions for His children towards marriage, it would be right to acknowledge it as courtship. Every courtship should have the sole purpose of marriage. The Lord says in Hebrews 13: 4 that ''Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.''

The ideal is that courtship should be a very beautiful experience because it validates the relationship by giving it purpose and enables partners to know each other. Courtship allows the couple to understand the true meaning of love which is patient and kind, does not envy nor boast, is not proud, does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking, is not angered, keeps no record of wrong, and does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. All these divine traits of love guide a couple to choose the right partner for a lifetime commitment to each other.

However, not every youth get to experience this beautiful moment because they end up conforming to the standards of the world by rushing due to being impatient and desperate. As a result, many youth have made wrong decisions which have resulted in long term negative effects on their lives.

I too engaged in premarital sex, used contraceptives including emergency pills, and cohabited, all of which should not have been my portion had I not conformed to the standards of this world. I thought that such relationships could lead to marriage, but instead they fuelled lust and they were always filled with compromises in a bid to please my partner. I ended up more frustrated, desperate, depressed and tormented.

All my effort as a young woman in a pursuit of marriage was in vain because no matter what I did, the affairs never resulted in a meaningful relationship. Unfortunately, several youth, just like myself, have compromised their dignity and Christian values to please men, hoping for marriage, only to be disappointed. This often results in severe psychological depression and suicide. Moreover, some youth have contracted sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, while others have been exposed to several forms of abuse and unwanted pregnancies that have caused many young women to make tough life changing decisions such as becoming single mothers or abortion.

Although both men and women are affected when they make wrong choices, the latter seem to suffer more. One time, my friend had an abortion because she was not ready to become a mother while still in school. Another friend also aborted because the father of the child had rejected the pregnancy. AT one point, I contracted an STI, only to realise that I had been sleeping with a married man.

After all these experiences, I decided to stop premarital sex and any other form of sexual immorality. I trusted that the LORD had a better plan for me. There is an amazing peace that comes with doing what is right regardless of how people condemn it. I am at peace knowing that I am waiting on God for my special God-send husband whom I will submit to as a wife.

As a youth, you should always ask yourself one question, What does the Lord want for me? What does He say about my situation? It is true you want to get married, but what does Lord say about marriage? When He reminds us to keep our bodies holy and wait for marriage amidst the pressures of this world, including family members, married friends and happily cohabiting couples. Trust in the Lord amidst every situation and read His Word. He never sleeps and neither slumbers. He knows what happens in the dark and what happens in broad daylight.

The divine concept of courtship involves patience, praying to God for guidance, seeking our parents’ opinion towards our partners and analyzing ourselves in order to find a good partner. Regardless, if you realise that the relationship is not working out during courtship, it is prudent to let go because it is better to have a broken courtship than a broken marriage.